1.
A winter image met me in a dream
Of swaths of lilies frozen in the creek
They sent me west to find a warmer stream
And drink from hidden waters I must seek
Of swaths of lilies frozen in the creek
They sent me west to find a warmer stream
And drink from hidden waters I must seek
And find it fast, though not by light of day
It's through the night I turn you in my mind
I'm like the sinner learning how to pray
At altars that I never thought I'd find
It's through the night I turn you in my mind
I'm like the sinner learning how to pray
At altars that I never thought I'd find
Awaken me with kisses on the neck
And rise beside the red Pacific sun
To let its light reveal the will to peck
The cheek of chance, once summer's healing's done
And rise beside the red Pacific sun
To let its light reveal the will to peck
The cheek of chance, once summer's healing's done
So when I meet the crisp autumnal air
I'll look beyond, and hope to see her there
I'll look beyond, and hope to see her there
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2.
As evening sets, a zealous march begins
With drums and horns to pound the mind awake
Gale, blow me down the race nobody wins
Against the solaces I seldom take
With drums and horns to pound the mind awake
Gale, blow me down the race nobody wins
Against the solaces I seldom take
I agonize as falling from my grasp
These grains of time float deeper through the gloam
If only could my hungry fingers clasp
But one, to hold me still and lull me home
These grains of time float deeper through the gloam
If only could my hungry fingers clasp
But one, to hold me still and lull me home
Hold fast, I hear—a voice from deeper in
A patient tender waiting to be freed
From whom I'll draw such willful breath within
And sigh upon this paper beauty's seed
A patient tender waiting to be freed
From whom I'll draw such willful breath within
And sigh upon this paper beauty's seed
A moment fore, I fostered thoughts afear'd
But here I wrote and lo, my mind is cleared
But here I wrote and lo, my mind is cleared
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3.
Uncertainty, the new god racks my brain
And hides from me a future bathed in light
For frantic blood from neon idols stain
My journals, bind my lively hands with blight
And hides from me a future bathed in light
For frantic blood from neon idols stain
My journals, bind my lively hands with blight
Fast, to and fro, I pace on this or that
Idea drawn from secret ether lines
That fly my room, a ghostly acrobat
Who meets me on his time with grand designs
Idea drawn from secret ether lines
That fly my room, a ghostly acrobat
Who meets me on his time with grand designs
Too much at once will strike me in my soul
As blows from that galvanic demagogue
Clash with the sacred self. Such is the toll
The poets pay to light us through the fog
As blows from that galvanic demagogue
Clash with the sacred self. Such is the toll
The poets pay to light us through the fog
So listen close, for riding Eden's breath:
The words of father time, and mother death
The words of father time, and mother death
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4.
Those noble few who knew me from my youth
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Have mostly scattered as a leaf whisked by
The gentle wind. And yet it seems the truth
May be we all in tandem still will fly
The gentle wind. And yet it seems the truth
May be we all in tandem still will fly
Together once, but parted like a stream
Young men trudge onwards to their battles each
And reach each other nightly in a dream
To share such spells that no grimoire can teach
Young men trudge onwards to their battles each
And reach each other nightly in a dream
To share such spells that no grimoire can teach
I'm older now, and hopeful of old age
When bound my skin will be tight to the bone
And solo will I walk across the stage
Yet even there, a hand holds mine alone
When bound my skin will be tight to the bone
And solo will I walk across the stage
Yet even there, a hand holds mine alone
I think of you, my friend. Do you of me?
Your memory's a song that sets me free
Your memory's a song that sets me free
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5.
One hundred poems line my mind at once
When I upon her gaze from leagues away
Consumed, the haggard hound in hunger hunts
Each night with careful reason gone astray
When I upon her gaze from leagues away
Consumed, the haggard hound in hunger hunts
Each night with careful reason gone astray
Come morn, with newly brewed ambrosia black
And strong, a brain cleared by the cleansing sun
I work, and think not of the warmth I lack
But of the precious writing to be done
And strong, a brain cleared by the cleansing sun
I work, and think not of the warmth I lack
But of the precious writing to be done
It is not long, though, fore she creeps back in
And plays me like the harpist's holy lyre
Unleashed, she tempts me sweet with supple skin
Then throws me to my knees upon her pyre
And plays me like the harpist's holy lyre
Unleashed, she tempts me sweet with supple skin
Then throws me to my knees upon her pyre
'Tis yearning speeds my mind toward its break
My heart knows well the ache, the ache, the ache
My heart knows well the ache, the ache, the ache
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6.
This boiling mind is tempered not by drugs;
They rally to the task its daft trapeze
So now I nurse the vice of lightning bugs
And heed their call to walk along the trees
They rally to the task its daft trapeze
So now I nurse the vice of lightning bugs
And heed their call to walk along the trees
A younger man found romance in the act
Of writing with a drunk and heavy pen
When, looking back, that blackened brain attacked
The page some twenty times against my ten
Of writing with a drunk and heavy pen
When, looking back, that blackened brain attacked
The page some twenty times against my ten
So quell the beast I did—or did I, though
For still my wits must wax the aftershock
Of sober demons feeding. Even so:
There's little can't be solved by thoughtful walk
For still my wits must wax the aftershock
Of sober demons feeding. Even so:
There's little can't be solved by thoughtful walk
How lucky then, fore man invents the street
Divinity, that doctor, gifted feet
Divinity, that doctor, gifted feet
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7.
I often worry that I lack the span
To sculpt the clay incarnate to my flesh
These thoughts, the arts existent in a man
Are matched with fears I'll miss the harvest fresh
To sculpt the clay incarnate to my flesh
These thoughts, the arts existent in a man
Are matched with fears I'll miss the harvest fresh
And yet, I stand here blessèd in my years
To sing my song through time infinitum
Or seems it so. The shore of ages 'pears
To sup on waves which endless lap life's drum
To sing my song through time infinitum
Or seems it so. The shore of ages 'pears
To sup on waves which endless lap life's drum
But what if I'm misguided by my clock
And drums of time betray for death's machine
At once, I feel both sated and in shock
A pendulum so desp'rate to find mean
And drums of time betray for death's machine
At once, I feel both sated and in shock
A pendulum so desp'rate to find mean
So must we weigh this life's unsettled score
The joy of artistry; the job of war
The joy of artistry; the job of war
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8.
Come meet me past the stream, dream visitor
And teach me well your language with your lips
Arrest my will—no, nothing could deter
This dance of hurried hands and twisted hips
And teach me well your language with your lips
Arrest my will—no, nothing could deter
This dance of hurried hands and twisted hips
But now the sun is breaking through the helm
Cascading as an earthquake through her kiss
Then black, then back awake—ripped from the realm
Of Aphrodite and of Artemis
Cascading as an earthquake through her kiss
Then black, then back awake—ripped from the realm
Of Aphrodite and of Artemis
By day, the world has left me feeling grey
As ashes round the kiln of evening's flame
I am but man, and what man wouldn't stray
When from the night, desirous daze became
As ashes round the kiln of evening's flame
I am but man, and what man wouldn't stray
When from the night, desirous daze became
There is no length I'd short—I'd steal, I'd scheme
If only we could meet beyond the dream
If only we could meet beyond the dream
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9.
I find my mind is oft consumed by death
But such that I regard her as a friend
Thus, I fear not. I feel each numbered breath
A comfort as I walk toward the end
But such that I regard her as a friend
Thus, I fear not. I feel each numbered breath
A comfort as I walk toward the end
At dawn, she'll knock. And lo, her chain
Hangs low my stoppèd clock. Upon her horse
She'll fly me o'er that blest and blustered plain
And bear me where the spirits pierce the source
Hangs low my stoppèd clock. Upon her horse
She'll fly me o'er that blest and blustered plain
And bear me where the spirits pierce the source
No sooner than my time will she fulfill
Her role. Each fated age can she foresee
And patiently, for me, she'll wait until
My string of life's been plucked of melody
Her role. Each fated age can she foresee
And patiently, for me, she'll wait until
My string of life's been plucked of melody
My final plea, freed by my last inhale:
To weigh me, death. O, weigh me on the scale
To weigh me, death. O, weigh me on the scale
10.
Now, suddenly, I find each time I close
These eyes, my eyelids flash an image past
My pupils of a person mostly prose,
For chiefly with our words our charms are cast
These eyes, my eyelids flash an image past
My pupils of a person mostly prose,
For chiefly with our words our charms are cast
It's through this fog I ponder on my walk
To go and flip through books down at the store
A corner over, only to unlock
Another thought that leaves me wanting more
To go and flip through books down at the store
A corner over, only to unlock
Another thought that leaves me wanting more
For ev'ry time my eyes glaze o'er the names
Of texts she wishes me to read, her voice
Appears, a binding spell whose bell inflames
A brain possessed—she's given me no choice
Of texts she wishes me to read, her voice
Appears, a binding spell whose bell inflames
A brain possessed—she's given me no choice
So ask of me what grasps my mind; I'll show
You how to miss someone you barely know
You how to miss someone you barely know
11.
Another wondered why my sleep evades
My earnest bid—O, she eternally
Betrays me; wading in her wake are shades
Which once were man. They wander listlessly
My earnest bid—O, she eternally
Betrays me; wading in her wake are shades
Which once were man. They wander listlessly
Some years ago, I had some hope I'd find
A tactic for to temper ev'ry ache
And lock what's nightly knocking on my mind
But nothing aids, so here I lie awake
A tactic for to temper ev'ry ache
And lock what's nightly knocking on my mind
But nothing aids, so here I lie awake
For this affliction, never has it been
Begotten by the pangs and throes of life
The source of sickness can be found within
My bygone sins—they slit me like a knife
Begotten by the pangs and throes of life
The source of sickness can be found within
My bygone sins—they slit me like a knife
I beg thee, Cronos: cast into my past
And soothe for me the sorrows holding fast
And soothe for me the sorrows holding fast
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12.
A wayward raindrop settled me today
When stressèd pains had gathered in my chest
I saw the sky had greyed, and with a spray
Of water, washèd clean was reason pressed
When stressèd pains had gathered in my chest
I saw the sky had greyed, and with a spray
Of water, washèd clean was reason pressed
'Tis daylight tends the festered mind aflame
With wicked fuel. I boil to my top
And steam explodes out from my ears. Then shame
Comes, curled and cruel and callous without stop
With wicked fuel. I boil to my top
And steam explodes out from my ears. Then shame
Comes, curled and cruel and callous without stop
Somehow, it's always rain, my remedy
E'en when so deep in trenches carved by way
Of woes and worries grown in enmity
'Tis such that on my final day, I pray
E'en when so deep in trenches carved by way
Of woes and worries grown in enmity
'Tis such that on my final day, I pray
You dig my grave out on some stormy plain—
And leave it open, let me feel the rain
And leave it open, let me feel the rain
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13.
Some days, my ego fancies a savant
And others, nothing but a nobody
And what most strikes my self-esteem? To want
To write more than my writing wants to be
And others, nothing but a nobody
And what most strikes my self-esteem? To want
To write more than my writing wants to be
On Sundays, I can feel her prick my mind
With kisses, sick—electric like a blade
By Monday, though, already she's resigned
To hiding. Th'inspiration has decayed
With kisses, sick—electric like a blade
By Monday, though, already she's resigned
To hiding. Th'inspiration has decayed
Day in, day out, I see her just beyond
And sometimes she will wait to hold my hand
But when she flees, so too does will abscond
To write. She strips me bare of my command
And sometimes she will wait to hold my hand
But when she flees, so too does will abscond
To write. She strips me bare of my command
So, say I'm doomed to revelation's chance?
Then I must court her mad, romantic dance
Then I must court her mad, romantic dance
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14.
'Tis death, I think the one and only God
From whom all joy and agony takes flight
For from her wake is desp'rate meaning clawed
As giveth she, then taketh in the night
From whom all joy and agony takes flight
For from her wake is desp'rate meaning clawed
As giveth she, then taketh in the night
If somehow man could live for ever more
How good could grace succeeding sorrow feel?
That aft each morrow, morrow's at the door
Again, and on we wax and wane time's wheel
How good could grace succeeding sorrow feel?
That aft each morrow, morrow's at the door
Again, and on we wax and wane time's wheel
Instead, her breath that flays me to the bone
Does doubly fill the wellspring of my life
And fields thus dotted by engravèd stone,
Her harvest marked, conduct my spirit's fife
Does doubly fill the wellspring of my life
And fields thus dotted by engravèd stone,
Her harvest marked, conduct my spirit's fife
I favor death, and fear her all the same;
Beholding her's a cold and gory game
Beholding her's a cold and gory game
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15.
For some, such friendship never truly seems
To flourish in the way that I've been blessed
By such degree that all of life's extremes
Still buck me lucky—tuck my mind to rest
To flourish in the way that I've been blessed
By such degree that all of life's extremes
Still buck me lucky—tuck my mind to rest
The river of my life bears many bends
With rapids rough and white; I could've drowned
Yet fortunate I am for countless friends
Whose wind my sails have billowed me aground
With rapids rough and white; I could've drowned
Yet fortunate I am for countless friends
Whose wind my sails have billowed me aground
But there's that once, we lost her in that wreck
That nearly took me too—though not before
Your hand reached out, and your unyielding speck
Of light was bright enough to bare the shore
That nearly took me too—though not before
Your hand reached out, and your unyielding speck
Of light was bright enough to bare the shore
I'll ne'er forget the way you sheltered me
That night you held me for eternity
That night you held me for eternity
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16.
Deep in the night, I've wrestled with the fear
That somewhere on the line I've failed t'appraise
My values. Here, the answer's been made clear:
'Tis music layers purpose to my days
That somewhere on the line I've failed t'appraise
My values. Here, the answer's been made clear:
'Tis music layers purpose to my days
In years long past, I yearned to set my dreams
Alight, and hear my name pass lip to lip
Among the public. But, there split the streams;
What if I wasn't meant for showmanship?
Alight, and hear my name pass lip to lip
Among the public. But, there split the streams;
What if I wasn't meant for showmanship?
Well, what's a song that longs for ears to hear?
Does my name known diffuse my music's voice?
But then, some solitude did commandeer
My fantasy, and chance had made my choice:
Does my name known diffuse my music's voice?
But then, some solitude did commandeer
My fantasy, and chance had made my choice:
I left those dreams behind to mind the shelf
And wrote my song but for the song itself
And wrote my song but for the song itself
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17.
I've sometimes wondered if there is a God
And if that's something I'm supposed to know
Not wonder. If divinity's facade
Hides fire warm within, where is the glow?
And if that's something I'm supposed to know
Not wonder. If divinity's facade
Hides fire warm within, where is the glow?
Through ages past, much meaning had been breathed
Into the arts by artists' piety
Today, the faith that once had wreathed
Such work's been traded for propriety
Into the arts by artists' piety
Today, the faith that once had wreathed
Such work's been traded for propriety
Now, I've no stake in Christ's divine goodbye
But something must've tempered firm his love
Enough to bear the nails of fate, and I
Guess that's the last we heard of word above
But something must've tempered firm his love
Enough to bear the nails of fate, and I
Guess that's the last we heard of word above
I've seen no sign of heaven or of hell
There's only here, as far as I can tell
There's only here, as far as I can tell
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18.
A mem'ry of another seized my bed
That cemetery; in my sleeping place
And waited by the edge but for my head
To turn and gaze into nostalgia's face
That cemetery; in my sleeping place
And waited by the edge but for my head
To turn and gaze into nostalgia's face
She's tricky, reminiscence, and she waits
'Til the battal'ion of my brain's defence
Exhausts itself across the pangs and straits
Of every day—astray, my strength wanes thence
'Til the battal'ion of my brain's defence
Exhausts itself across the pangs and straits
Of every day—astray, my strength wanes thence
Remembrance strikes, a blighted souvenir
That masks herself with flowers of the past
Yet hidden in the petals, thorns inhere
A poison that no antidote can last
That masks herself with flowers of the past
Yet hidden in the petals, thorns inhere
A poison that no antidote can last
Take care when diving through the mind's estates
Of memory. Within, nostalgia waits
Of memory. Within, nostalgia waits
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19.
When I awaken in the golden morn
A deeper orange than I've seen up to
That day, I'll know—and yet, I would've sworn
To you I wasn't even halfway through
A deeper orange than I've seen up to
That day, I'll know—and yet, I would've sworn
To you I wasn't even halfway through
But still, I'll rise replete and greet the dawn
And think not of the timer ticking low
I'll smile and ask you how you carried on
In slumber, then I'll draw you to my glow
And think not of the timer ticking low
I'll smile and ask you how you carried on
In slumber, then I'll draw you to my glow
One hundred tears can water gardens flush
With flowers, flourished in abundant growth
Thus forth springs purpose wherefore I may hush
My soul, to love but through another oath
With flowers, flourished in abundant growth
Thus forth springs purpose wherefore I may hush
My soul, to love but through another oath
So long as my endeared are taken care
It matters not that I am here nor there
It matters not that I am here nor there
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20.
There's little stirs my mind into a fire
As song does. Composition whisks me through
The current of the universe, its choir
Left echoing eternity where few
As song does. Composition whisks me through
The current of the universe, its choir
Left echoing eternity where few
Can hear it. But I can, or so I think
And think I must, for there's no other choice
But to believe that I am on the brink
Of this world with an ear to heaven's voice
And think I must, for there's no other choice
But to believe that I am on the brink
Of this world with an ear to heaven's voice
I feel each song's a desp'rate plea to take
A scrape of meaning ev'ry numbered day
And from it I shall fashion chance to shake
The hand of the Creator. Yes, I'd say
A scrape of meaning ev'ry numbered day
And from it I shall fashion chance to shake
The hand of the Creator. Yes, I'd say
It's music keeps my wilding mind enticed
As Laz'rus was when he awoke to Christ
As Laz'rus was when he awoke to Christ
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